Why teenage girls are scared of being thirty
Social media shows the teens of today are anti-aging as much as they can, and shacking up to save their social lives.
Scroll on a young girl’s Tiktok account or Instagram reels feed and you will be presented a variety of content posing as light promo for skincare brands, or sentiments of childhood love and the importance of being a young mum, and not having under-eye bags, and figuring out your partner’s love-language. If young girls aren’t being pedalled the next big thing, society is reminding them of the imperative need for a long-term partner.
Hook-up culture is at its height, and the use of apps like Tinder and Hinge have become sources of immediate gratification, though there remains an undeniable door in every person’s mind in which they wonder when they’ll find a long-term partner. Women face this fear with a countdown at the forefront of their minds, knowing if they haven’t been in at least one serious, long-term relationship before their 30s, then things will undoubtedly be different.
“Girls and women living with the reality of persistent "expiry dates" on men's interest in them as they become older is a phenomenon, which is more commonplace than one may imagine.” Sex therapist Aliyah Moore, tells us; “Traditional stories and social routines usually serve as a guide on the reduction of women's value with age, specifically in regards to Media representations have a tendency to portray age gaps in heterosexual relationships between older men partnered with younger women and reinforcing the belief that women get less beautiful as they age.”
Aswell as being a licensed sex therapist, Moore holds a Phd in Gender and Sexuality studies and categorises the pressures women and girls face into five regions: the biological clock, beauty standards, single stigma, dating pool dynamics, and career/personal goals.
The Biological Clock
From a logical perspective, a primary component for millions of women is ensuring that they are able to bear and give birth if they choose to pursue having children. Many women without children face accusations of selfishness and are subject to masses of scrutiny in the media. Friends actress Jennifer Aniston has been the source of speculation with media channels since her career debut as her co-stars began to have children and she remained without. In an effort to ‘explain herself’, Aniston expressed her difficulties with having children, and remained a source of controversy when people questioned her lack of adoption. Moore says: “One of the biggest problems that women face with dating later in life is perhaps fertility concerns which can be a burdensome issue.”
“The bias of the media is careful and noticeably picks the youth as their audience.”
Youthful Beauty Standards
Moore adds that the obsession with youth is a media issue: “Society makes some people believe that older women are not beautiful, desirable, or appealing in their late mature years, and this may exacerbate the problem for older women in the dating pool. The bias of the media is careful and noticeably picks the youth as their audience.”
The cult of anti-aging products has plagued our screens for generations, and what was once targeted at women aged 40 and over, has swiftly broadened its horizons. Teenagers are tackling 11-step skincare routines and forking out up to £60 for a tub of Tiktok’s Drunk Elephant face cream. They’re deciding whether a lip flip or buccal fat removal will help them keep a tight grip on the youthful look they think will be gone by 25.
Stigma of Being Single
Not every woman will want to be in a long-term, committed relationship, though it is arguably an innate trait to desire companionship, and from this validation. If for nothing more than to know that if they wanted to, they could choose to have a long-term partner, on this basis many women could be classed as curious. Moore continues, “Women who are single at a certain age may feel discriminated against and put aside by society, making them endeavour to find a partner for fear of being perceived as an "unpopular" or “unwanted one.’”
“I think there’s kind of been a generational pressure that’s probably been there for a very long time that almost like that if you're not married by a certain age, obviously like years and years ago if you weren’t married by like 25 you were on the shelf, if we look at the likes of Bridgerton, where you’ve almost got that marriage market and you know you want to be married within your first season, that type of thing.” tells 36 year old Charlotte Holmes.
Dating Pool Dynamics
Age gap relationships are a hot topic online and are heavily associated with sexism, older male celebrities *cough cough, Leo* are harmlessly laughed at for their reluctance to date women in their age pool. In contrast, women in the public eye older than 30 face trolling and cyberbullying for anything resembling an age difference in their relationships. “Women might face the fact that the score of singles in the dating pool varies as they get older, with many partners of less desirable ages or different dating dynamics.” tells Moore.
The 2022 film, Good luck to you, Leo Grande received limited traction, bar people questioning the bizarre pairing of the two leads, Emma Thompson, 65, and Daryl McCormack, 31. With the aforementioned knowledge in mind, dating above the age of 30 becomes difficult not only due to typical dating struggles, but women find themselves at a disadvantage trying to date men their age as they have their sights set on something newer.
“I would definitely say that men value a younger woman as almost like a little bit of eye candy on their arm. It’s probably a little bit of an egotistical thing, like look what I can still catch” says Holmes.
Career and Personal Goals
Career goals are a large matter of concern for many young women. Fairly early into their lives they are notified of the option to work, or become a ‘stay at home mum’. Though these are by no means the only options for a young woman, they are the only options publicised. Difficulties with childcare costs, schooling, working hours and maternity leave contribute to a woman's decision to leave work to have children.
“As many women give priority to their careers and other personal goals over traditional relationship models in their 30s and beyond, they might encounter conflicts with the traditional expectations of relationships.” shares Moore. Women prioritising their careers over family life and having children face a large amount of scrutiny and risk being rejected by their partners for not adhering to traditional conventions of women leaving work to become mothers full-time.
For all these reasons and more, women and young girls are clinging to their youth with the hope that if they can hold on long enough they won’t be forgotten about by society. But upon closer inspection we can safely say that these fears are simply myth, and being above the age of 29 will never stop you finding your soulmate, or happiness alone for that matter. In fact, I want to be 30, I wanna be 30, flirty and thriving.